Saturday, November 9, 2013

Go Girl: For the girl who has everything. (And wants to stand and pee)

Ok, we're in  BassPro looking at the portable toilets. We are planning on taking the kids out west for an extended camping trip. We are going to need a toilet…among other things. That is when we spotted the GoGirl. I feel like my life has been forever changed.

It is an apparatus, if you will, that allows women to pee standing up! What? Pee, standing up? Count me in. Well, let me just cross that off my bucket list.

It comes in a little tube that explains it can be used while camping, boating, traveling, music festivals or sports.

Inside, you will find directions printed on a duel service disposable bag. It states: 1.  For best results, maintaining a seal on the back is important. 2. Practice at home to be sure you have a good seal. It is accompanied by two tissues.

Here is a nice close up. This side up…in case you were confused. In my mind, I'm thinking they didn't just put that there for no reason. Someone, somewhere was confused about this. I snapped this picture while inside the BassPro. An employee busted me and said that every time they get them in stock they sell out rather quickly. He assumed they were being purchased for gag gifts. He said he caught a guy looking at it and said, "Don't worry the girl that returned it said she didn't use it." Our conversation went further and he said that he thought that peeing standing up was the last thing that men could do that women couldn't. So I said, "I guess that's why you squat now?" He just walked off laughing. I'll take that as a yes!

I guess the illustration is to tell you not to squeeze it closed while in use. Hello? 

I'm guessing you figured out by now I couldn't leave the store without this life changing product. For $12.99 can have your own GoGirl.

Anyone who knows me for more than five minutes, knows I'm terrible OCD. Me and public toilets aren't friends. I can't remember the last time I've used a port-o-let other than to pee behind.

I felt it was my civic duty to give this thing a try. A-MAZ-ING.  

I must be a natural because I got it right the first time. I peed with joy! Seriously, I was laughing the entire time.  I think the only way this could have been any more fun is if  I were taking a leak peeing off the side of a canoe, or on the Appalachian Trail, or into bushes, or off a building, or off the Grand Canyon, or into Niagara Falls or a WalMart bathroom.

Seriously, this is life changing. I will be buying Ansley her own GoGirl. Because, really it'd be gross to share. My only problem is what kind of looks will you get cleaning this joker off in the public sink?

Penis Envy, NO MORE! I can write my own darn name in the snow!

Go to to get your own GoGirl!

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Selfie Sunday

As you can tell from my Facebook, I love to take pictures as much as the next guy probably more than most. However, I consider "selfies" to be so creepy. I don't even like the slang expression for them, "selfies." I recently commented on fb how I don't understand what would provoke someone to want to post pics of themselves on the regular, all safely strapped into their car. Especially if you are over 25 and that is being generous.

I admit I have taken pics of myself a couple times. Once, was because I had gotten a new "do" and mom wanted me to shoot her a pic. Because of the six hour drive between us, I felt this clearly warranted a self taken pic. But man, it was still so weird. I mean where do you look? Do you smile? Yes, I think you most selfies the folks I see are smiling. Smiling or making the duck face seems to be acceptable in a selfie. This and throwing up peace signs is a whole new level of douchebaggary. Do you say cheese? What if someone sees you? Do you just continue your quest of self absorption or are you like, "Hey, all my real friends are busy. Do you think you could snap a quick pic of me?" "Oh, wait! Let me get my seatbelt on. You know, safety first." Honestly I just don't get it!

There must be some unwritten protocol to all this madness because they always seem to be taken in the same places. Originally,  I noticed them being taken in the bathroom both public and private. Think about this, you're taking your picture. in. a. bathroom. A shower or toilet is never a good idea for a backdrop, unless you are Beavis and Butthead. They did love their toilet shots. The car is popular and the bedroom shot seems to be edging up popularity. All nicely tucked into bed with only your boobs self esteem hanging out.

These are becoming so popular that cell phones are making it easier for these people. No this is a bad idea. Don't encourage. I say "these people" because it usually the same personality type; single and loving it. However, all the drama they put on social media tells another story. Then they get into a relationship and post tons of self taken pics of them and they're new found happiness. Only to have them quietly disappear after two weeks to be replaced with inspirational quotes by John Mayer. "Don't be scared to walk alone and don't be scared to like it."

If you are really looking that awesome and you feel like the world should really see you. Grab someone else to take it of you. Somehow, that just seems less weird. Or if there is a cute kid nearby grab them and take a pic with them. Make sure to get their parent's permission first. Otherwise, this could turn into a whole other problem!

Well maybe I've got this all wrong.  You tell me, what do you think?

Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge. I had to give it a try.

This is my first and second attempt. I wasn't sure where I was supposed to look. Dang, I have a terrible double chin. No wonder I don't fancy the selfies. I really could use some makeup. Ok, I'm gonna pick myself apart over this.

Ahh the Miley Cyrus photo bomb.

ChaChi said I wasn't doing it right and suggested this pose along with the title of the blog.
Yep, I felt as stupid as I look but the kids found it hilarious.