Thursday, September 12, 2013

Snack Rotation

Here it is, the dreaded snack rotation schedule.

How did this become a thing? I swear I don't remember this going down when I played sports. Did our moms and dads do this? I don't think they did. They were way too smart,. All I remember is taking a pacman thermos with all it's eight ounces of water.

I cannot express how strongly I loathe the snack rotation. For so many reasons, I truly hate it. 

Today is my day, Sept. 12, ChaChi.

I will pick the kids up from school and get home around 3:45. We'll rush in, get dressed for cheer at 5:15 and a soccer game at 7:30 which is an hour away from where she will be cheering. I will have to remember everything from hair bows to shin guards. Now, on top of all of that I have to make sure I have snacks for thirteen kids. I will be lugging two chairs, a cooler full of water for ChaChi, a cooler for the team and a bag of snacks. Meanwhile, try to make sure my kids don't get flattened in the parking lot because it is straight up crazy getting in and out of there. Ryan should be able to help tonight but his schedule is so crazy, a lot of the times I'm alone. So I feel for you, single parents.

I know, I know, I sound like a total nag. I just think we could keep things more simple if we did away with this stupid idea. Who thought of this anyway? I bet they have their own little pinterest board dedicated to the snack rotation. Just let me be responsible for my kids and you be responsible for yours. When ChaChi was six, someone brought Gatorade and a Hershey Bar for a post-game snack! Are you freaking kidding me a Hershey Bar? What? Were you all out of Pixy Stix and heroin? Now, they bring cookies, chips or crackers and 22 oz. sports drinks. So if your kid has a 7:30 game it's over around 8:30 and then they chug this enormous amount of liquid right before bed. Uh Oh...looks like someone may wake up in a puddle. I don't know about you but I really try to limit the amount of brominated vegetable oil (google it, yep it's in a lot of sports drinks) and artificial dyes my kids consume. This snack rotation makes it hard. I swear, one day I'm going to coach something so that when that annoying parent asks, "Have you done the snack rotation?" I can say, "There will be no snack rotation." It will blow their snack loving mind!

I don't know why people think that after kids have played for a freaking hour they need a stupid snack! Ever think that is why people are so much more round than they were in the past. Kids are starting to have their cholesterol checked at age nine, nine, nine year olds have high cholesterol! Ok, I don't need to get started on that. After all, I have some sports drinks to buy.

If you agree with me, please share this post. Together, we can make a difference.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Tennis Skirts

Ladies, I just want you to know you're not fooling anyone wearing that tennis skirt. I've been by the tennis courts in this town and they are always as empty as Curves on Thanksgiving. I go to the zoo and you're there with your tennis skirt. I go to drop my kids off at school and you're there with your tennis skirt. I pick my kid up and you still have on that stupid skirt! If you really did play tennis shouldn't you be sweaty and gross? Instead, your makeup is flawless and your visor is still neatly in place. I've even been in Wal-Mart and you are there with your freaking tennis skirt. Are you expecting a tennis match to break out in the clearance section or something? Seriously? What is with the tennis skirts?

I know my habitual wearing of yoga pants or running shorts makes me look like a hypocrite because I assure you I haven't so much as done an downward dog. Basically, I'm not wearing pj's and you should be happy about that. I don't know why I find the tennis skirt so annoying. I've even seen them advertised as running skirts? Why? Why would you want to run in a skirt? I mean, I don't think even a pentecostal wants to run in a skirt.

Tennis anyone? Just kidding, let's just go get some lunch.