Not just a biscuit.

Here is a picture of my first batch of homemade biscuits.  I can't eat a biscuit without thinking of my Grandma. I don't know how often she made biscuits but I can't  remember being at her house when she didn't have fresh biscuits. I would just love to be in the kitchen watching her make her biscuits. It was surely an art. They had them for breakfast, lunch or dinner. I loved them smothered with sausage gravy and a nice dusting of sugar.

This is the only picture that I have of my Grandma. I wish I had more but I think she was too busy being awesome to be posing for pictures. I'm sure she would have never taken a selfie.

I never really thought about how much something so simple as a biscuit can bring back so many memories. It's not just me either, several of my cousins say they cry when they open the oven after making biscuits. She did more than make biscuits. She could sew anything, crochet and more importantly make those around her feel so important and loved. I don't ever remember her being too busy to give me her full attention even in a roomful of family members; and there were a bunch of us! My grandpa was pretty righteous too. He worked on cars, had a little wood shop, a master at solving crossword puzzles, was a beekeeper and a founding father of dumpster diving! 

The time that I got to spend with them was special and I wish I would have gotten more. I wish I had her biscuit recipe and more pictures of them. I wish that I wouldn't have been a selfish teenager and visited more often.

I want to more like my grandparents. I think sometimes our plates are too full to make biscuits. Too busy running here and there to really stop and appreciate what is important. Time, time is what is important. I want to spend more of mine making biscuits with the people I love.

Go Girl: For the girl who has everything. (And wants to stand and pee)

Ok, we're in  BassPro looking at the portable toilets. We are planning on taking the kids out west for an extended camping trip. We are going to need a toilet…among other things. That is when we spotted the GoGirl. I feel like my life has been forever changed.

It is an apparatus, if you will, that allows women to pee standing up! What? Pee, standing up? Count me in. Well, let me just cross that off my bucket list.

It comes in a little tube that explains it can be used while camping, boating, traveling, music festivals or sports.

Inside, you will find directions printed on a duel service disposable bag. It states: 1.  For best results, maintaining a seal on the back is important. 2. Practice at home to be sure you have a good seal. It is accompanied by two tissues.

Here is a nice close up. This side up…in case you were confused. In my mind, I'm thinking they didn't just put that there for no reason. Someone, somewhere was confused about this. I snapped this picture while inside the BassPro. An employee busted me and said that every time they get them in stock they sell out rather quickly. He assumed they were being purchased for gag gifts. He said he caught a guy looking at it and said, "Don't worry the girl that returned it said she didn't use it." Our conversation went further and he said that he thought that peeing standing up was the last thing that men could do that women couldn't. So I said, "I guess that's why you squat now?" He just walked off laughing. I'll take that as a yes!

I guess the illustration is to tell you not to squeeze it closed while in use. Hello? 

I'm guessing you figured out by now I couldn't leave the store without this life changing product. For $12.99 can have your own GoGirl.

Anyone who knows me for more than five minutes, knows I'm terrible OCD. Me and public toilets aren't friends. I can't remember the last time I've used a port-o-let other than to pee behind.

I felt it was my civic duty to give this thing a try. A-MAZ-ING.  

I must be a natural because I got it right the first time. I peed with joy! Seriously, I was laughing the entire time.  I think the only way this could have been any more fun is if  I were taking a leak peeing off the side of a canoe, or on the Appalachian Trail, or into bushes, or off a building, or off the Grand Canyon, or into Niagara Falls or a WalMart bathroom.

Seriously, this is life changing. I will be buying Ansley her own GoGirl. Because, really it'd be gross to share. My only problem is what kind of looks will you get cleaning this joker off in the public sink?

Penis Envy, NO MORE! I can write my own darn name in the snow!

Go to http://www.go-girl.com to get your own GoGirl!

Selfie Sunday

As you can tell from my Facebook, I love to take pictures as much as the next guy probably more than most. However, I consider "selfies" to be so creepy. I don't even like the slang expression for them, "selfies." I recently commented on fb how I don't understand what would provoke someone to want to post pics of themselves on the regular, all safely strapped into their car. Especially if you are over 25 and that is being generous.

I admit I have taken pics of myself a couple times. Once, was because I had gotten a new "do" and mom wanted me to shoot her a pic. Because of the six hour drive between us, I felt this clearly warranted a self taken pic. But man, it was still so weird. I mean where do you look? Do you smile? Yes, I think you smile...in most selfies the folks I see are smiling. Smiling or making the duck face seems to be acceptable in a selfie. This and throwing up peace signs is a whole new level of douchebaggary. Do you say cheese? What if someone sees you? Do you just continue your quest of self absorption or are you like, "Hey, all my real friends are busy. Do you think you could snap a quick pic of me?" "Oh, wait! Let me get my seatbelt on. You know, safety first." Honestly I just don't get it!

There must be some unwritten protocol to all this madness because they always seem to be taken in the same places. Originally,  I noticed them being taken in the bathroom both public and private. Think about this, you're taking your picture. in. a. bathroom. A shower or toilet is never a good idea for a backdrop, unless you are Beavis and Butthead. They did love their toilet shots. The car is popular and the bedroom shot seems to be edging up popularity. All nicely tucked into bed with only your boobs self esteem hanging out.

These are becoming so popular that cell phones are making it easier for these people. No this is a bad idea. Don't encourage. I say "these people" because it usually the same personality type; single and loving it. However, all the drama they put on social media tells another story. Then they get into a relationship and post tons of self taken pics of them and they're new found happiness. Only to have them quietly disappear after two weeks to be replaced with inspirational quotes by John Mayer. "Don't be scared to walk alone and don't be scared to like it."

If you are really looking that awesome and you feel like the world should really see you. Grab someone else to take it of you. Somehow, that just seems less weird. Or if there is a cute kid nearby grab them and take a pic with them. Make sure to get their parent's permission first. Otherwise, this could turn into a whole other problem!

Well maybe I've got this all wrong.  You tell me, what do you think?

Maybe I shouldn't be so quick to judge. I had to give it a try.

This is my first and second attempt. I wasn't sure where I was supposed to look. Dang, I have a terrible double chin. No wonder I don't fancy the selfies. I really could use some makeup. Ok, I'm gonna pick myself apart over this.

Ahh the Miley Cyrus photo bomb.

ChaChi said I wasn't doing it right and suggested this pose along with the title of the blog.

Yep, I felt as stupid as I look but the kids found it hilarious.

Dinner Fail: Salisbury Steak

Let me start out by saying I may have slept 20 hours in the past five days. I went to the doctor today and got a sinus cocktail and four prescriptions. Got home and got in bed and took some meds that I already had that kept me up. So, I started doing some laundry and I get a call from the nurse at the kid's school. ChaChi has a stomach ache. She puts ChaChi on the phone and I ask him if he just needs to go to the bathroom or does he feel sick. He said he felt sick. So I tell him I'll be there in just a few minutes; two minutes later ChaChi calls back, "Mom, may I use the nurse's bathroom?" Oh my gosh! Really? The kid is sick and he's asking me if he can use the bathroom!???!?!?! I felt so bad! I may have casually mentioned ok, I'm sure I've ranted on many occasions how nasty school bathrooms are. He acts like I may turn into the Gestapo if he had to use a public restroom. When I got to the school to pick him up I didn't know wether to be proud of him for trying to be obedient or embarrassed wondering how strange the nurse finds it that my kids calls to ask me if he can use the freaking toilet. Option 1. Poop your pants. Option 2. Use the public toilet. Sidebar: I'm pretty sure Bret called me to get permission to come home to go to the bathroom his senior year. I've seriously messed up these kids.

Ok, my lack of sleep has me delirious. What does all this have to do with Salisbury Steak. Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I had decided to try a new meal tonight. We're definitely in a dinner rut. Nothing sounds good, nothing. So I have never made salisbury steak. Truth is, the only salisbury steak I've ever had came out of aluminum container that you heat in the oven. I haven't had that in 15 or so years. I had to make a special stop at the liquor store to get some cognac for this recipe. Sounds fancy doesn't it? It had a lot of ingredients, messed up a lot of measuring cups, dishes, cutting boards, and pans. I even doubled the recipe because it looked like so much trouble. I started at 5:00 o'clock and it was ready at 7:00. You getting the point? It was a lot of trouble. Made ChaChi a plate, "Oh I hate mash potatoes and this corn doesn't taste right. What is this meat? It tastes like dog food and I know because I've eaten a lot of dog food." Me, "We don't even have a dog." ChaChi, "Well, when Bret was keeping his dog here, I had his dog's food and some of those Beggin' Strips. Remember?" Me, "You didn't eat dog food."

Tomorrow, we are having leftover and I guess I'll stop and pick up ChaChi some Beggin' Strips. The good news is, if I'm up again coughing my head off again I have half a bottle of cognac.

Snack Rotation

Here it is, the dreaded snack rotation schedule.

How did this become a thing? I swear I don't remember this going down when I played sports. Did our moms and dads do this? I don't think they did. They were way too smart,. All I remember is taking a pacman thermos with all it's eight ounces of water.

I cannot express how strongly I loathe the snack rotation. For so many reasons, I truly hate it. 

Today is my day, Sept. 12, ChaChi.

I will pick the kids up from school and get home around 3:45. We'll rush in, get dressed for cheer at 5:15 and a soccer game at 7:30 which is an hour away from where she will be cheering. I will have to remember everything from hair bows to shin guards. Now, on top of all of that I have to make sure I have snacks for thirteen kids. I will be lugging two chairs, a cooler full of water for ChaChi, a cooler for the team and a bag of snacks. Meanwhile, try to make sure my kids don't get flattened in the parking lot because it is straight up crazy getting in and out of there. Ryan should be able to help tonight but his schedule is so crazy, a lot of the times I'm alone. So I feel for you, single parents.

I know, I know, I sound like a total nag. I just think we could keep things more simple if we did away with this stupid idea. Who thought of this anyway? I bet they have their own little pinterest board dedicated to the snack rotation. Just let me be responsible for my kids and you be responsible for yours. When ChaChi was six, someone brought Gatorade and a Hershey Bar for a post-game snack! Are you freaking kidding me a Hershey Bar? What? Were you all out of Pixy Stix and heroin? Now, they bring cookies, chips or crackers and 22 oz. sports drinks. So if your kid has a 7:30 game it's over around 8:30 and then they chug this enormous amount of liquid right before bed. Uh Oh...looks like someone may wake up in a puddle. I don't know about you but I really try to limit the amount of brominated vegetable oil (google it, yep it's in a lot of sports drinks) and artificial dyes my kids consume. This snack rotation makes it hard. I swear, one day I'm going to coach something so that when that annoying parent asks, "Have you done the snack rotation?" I can say, "There will be no snack rotation." It will blow their snack loving mind!

I don't know why people think that after kids have played for a freaking hour they need a stupid snack! Ever think that is why people are so much more round than they were in the past. Kids are starting to have their cholesterol checked at age nine, nine, nine year olds have high cholesterol! Ok, I don't need to get started on that. After all, I have some sports drinks to buy.

If you agree with me, please share this post. Together, we can make a difference.

Tennis Skirts

Ladies, I just want you to know you're not fooling anyone wearing that tennis skirt. I've been by the tennis courts in this town and they are always as empty as Curves on Thanksgiving. I go to the zoo and you're there with your tennis skirt. I go to drop my kids off at school and you're there with your tennis skirt. I pick my kid up and you still have on that stupid skirt! If you really did play tennis shouldn't you be sweaty and gross? Instead, your makeup is flawless and your visor is still neatly in place. I've even been in Wal-Mart and you are there with your freaking tennis skirt. Are you expecting a tennis match to break out in the clearance section or something? Seriously? What is with the tennis skirts?

I know my habitual wearing of yoga pants or running shorts makes me look like a hypocrite because I assure you I haven't so much as done an downward dog. Basically, I'm not wearing pj's and you should be happy about that. I don't know why I find the tennis skirt so annoying. I've even seen them advertised as running skirts? Why? Why would you want to run in a skirt? I mean, I don't think even a pentecostal wants to run in a skirt.

Tennis anyone? Just kidding, let's just go get some lunch.

Dining Chair Do-Over

Before

This picture doesn't show just how gross this chair was but it was a nasty mess.

We took the chairs apart, sanded and primed them and sanded them again. I think we could have skipped the first sanding.

We made templates from the old chairs. We could have just removed the old fabric and cushions and used the old bottoms. I am crazy OCD so I preferred new. 

We sprayed them with a pressure fed pot sprayer using an oil based paint.

This was our first chair makeover and we had no clue what we were doing. So we did what every self-respecting  DIYer does, we YouTubed it. William Eisenberg at Eisenberg Upholstery has some great videos. He skips all the cheesy introductions and such and gets right to business. He'll even answer any questions that you have promptly. Super impressed with this guy.

Finished Project